What does anxiety look like? Sometimes it looks the same to everyone on the outside. -I look happy right?
This was one of the easiest chapters of our life. Life was pretty great. We had J, Rob and I had BOTH just gotten promotions at jobs we loved we had moved into a house we loved, for the first time in our marriage we were driving reliable cars, and we had a this little guy. Who was amazing. We were surrounded by friends and family who loved us. My life was awesome.
But anxiety doesn’t abide by the rules of logic. Can you see the bags under my eyes? When this picture was taken I couldn’t sleep more then 2 hours at a time. I was dealing with panic attacks, and the shame of trying to hide them out of embarrassment. I was dragging myself though each day drinking coffee and eating whatever I could get my hands on for a boost of energy.
It was a dark time. I was crying for no reason, usually in the down times like the shower or when I tried to sleep. I would wake up obsessing over a conversation that happened 10 years ago hating myself for not choosing different words. I’d get myself worked up replaying scenes for the day and dissecting everything I did that I should have done or said differently. Then I’d obsess over future problems, how will I talk to J when He’s a teenager? Then I would obsess over problems that will never be in the future.. what if Rob leaves me? How would I survive? I was spiraling. I was starting to isolate myself. Bc it was getting worse, and I felt guilty, for not being happy. I didn’t understand that anxiety at this level meant something in my body was wrong.
Now look at this picture.
This picture was taken during one of the hardest chapters of my life. I’m holding our newborn twins who had to be fed every 2 hours. I had a busy three year old who was adjusting to a new life with new babies and acting out. I was in a tremendous amount of pain recovering from a very painful emergency surgery to remove my gallbladder. I was still recovering from a double labor and the post partum preeclampsia issues. Rob was working 80 hour weeks and traveling. The day before this picture was taken out landlords called us to tell us they would be selling our home and we needed to move.
It was hard. But I was solid. I wasn’t trembling. I wasn’t breaking down and crying. The waves of fear and anxiety weren’t washing me away. When all the reasons for a perfectly acceptable panic attack crashed over us and rained chaos into our lives. I was tired, but I was FINE. Do you see it? It looks the same from the outside, you would never have known from my fb feed.
Anxiety doesn’t follow the rules of logic. What changed? Only one thing. Plexus. I turned to Plexus out of desperation Bc I couldn’t sleep. Bc I was getting angry, and resentful at myself Bc I didn’t like the mom I was being, Bc I didn’t like the wife I was being. Out of desperation.
It was desperation. I sent a Facebook message to an old acquaintance. I was too afraid to even call her, or text. I didn’t even want to tell her WHY I wanted to try the products. It took 2 weeks for me to sleep 8 hours.
I cried that day, Bc it made me hopeful and that scared the shit out of me. Bc what if it was a fluke? What if it just happened, and then never happened again.
But it did happen again. And again. That was only the beginning. It really changed everything.
It’s hard to share this story. To talk about the dark place. Bc I don’t want to admit how bad it was. -I’m also not claiming that Plexus can cure or treat anything. -or suggest you give up on a Dr’s recommended treatment plan. Please don’t.
But don’t suffer alone. Don’t isolate yourself. DON’T SETTLE. Don’t accept it as normal. Life is hard in some chapters. It doesn’t have to break you. -If you think Plexus can help you I’d love to have that conversation with you, gut health is the root of so many issues and 90% of your body’s serotonin is formed there. 90%.
But nothing gets better if you tell no one. Don’t do what I did. Don’t loose months of what could be your best chapter because of the dark place. There is help out there. ❤️